Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
