OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Nicole vs. Life
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
