so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
