I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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