She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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