Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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