all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
