I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
