Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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