He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
