He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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