It's Friday. Sex?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
