if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
