I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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