dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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