I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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