so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
