So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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