I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
