I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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