it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
