found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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