I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
