you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
In America we eat man semen.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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