My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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