You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
