Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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