I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
