Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
