i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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