Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
