All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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