You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
