It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
