Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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