I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
