Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
