I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
