The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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