READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
