I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
