Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
