i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
