i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
