Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
