If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
