We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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