4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
