I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
