Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
