Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
