Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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