What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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