We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Be still, my beating vagina.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
