Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was born a porn star she said
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
