I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Sorry my hands just texted you
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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