Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
