I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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